Yes, this is my first blog. Today I leaned what a blog is. Did you know that a blog, in essence, is your own publishing press? Yes, it’s true. So, now I’m a publisher! Fantastic. I’m going to send myself query letters requesting to publish my books and short stories. Then, if I’m interested, I will offer myself a contract and if I agree to the terms, I will give myself an advance and publish my books!
Probably though, I will require myself to have an agent first. Because most publishers require you have an agent before submitting to them. So, I will most likely send myself reject letters.
Seriously, as a writer sending out queries to agents and publishers you need to have thick skin and a lot of patience. I ought to know. Just ask my wife how patient I am as I roll around on the floor and bemoan my many form reject letters. Actually, I have no more patience for it. I’ve gone beyond anything remotely resembling patience or sanity. Now I just smile and blink with a vacant stare as I quietly file my reject letters into neat little file folders.
But I am still excited about my many projects. This weekend I worked on my Poppycock story. Every time one of my characters say something like “Excuse me, did you just say Poppycock?” I get a little kick out of it. I have this detctive going around and asking people if they’ve ever heard of anyone named Poppycock. I know that’s silly. But one of the joys of writing is to find out that your characters have their own personalities and say things without any provocation from you. Really, my characters write the damn stuff. Sometimes I get my way, but mostly they win.
So, Poppycock is a serial killer. He’s also a fairy and the way that fairies stay corporeal, that is, in a body, is to be famous. You see, the more famous they are the more solid they are. It’s like this: if you go out and knock on people’s doors and tell them that there was an accident on the corner, any corner, near their house involving a black honda, do you know that some of those people will actually tell you they saw it? Actually I challenge you to do it. Go out and do exactly that. Tell them it happend a week or so ago, mid morning. Some people will tell you they saw it. I know, I’ve done it. It’s a funny thing. So, my point is this, what people believe to be real is real. You know, people believe in all manner of invisible things and beings. Yes, they do. Just go to church sometime. Angels, ghosts, demons, gods, prophets, fairies. There are tons of invisible entities that real people believe they relate to every day, like a democratic government for instance. Maybe if we believe hard enough we’ll actually get one.
People believe in all manner of events that never took place too, conversations that never took place. Next time you get into one of those arguments where someone is saying “But you said…” and you just know you never said anything of the sort, that’s what I’m talking about. Some people think everything you say is accusing them of something. Some people think everything you say is making fun of them. People see things that aren’t there all the time. Some see black hondas.
It works in the other way too, on self. Some people think they’re something they’re not. Like me for instance, I think I’m a publisher.
Now, Poppycock has to be real, has to be really frickin’ real. And only then will he survive. All fairies are that way. Did you know that belief in fairies is the old religion of the British Isles? Fairies are the Celtic equivolent of angels. They are said to be “gods but not gods”, somewhere between gods and men. They are also called “the vanishing people” because you don’t see them.
Anyways, so Poppycock never built much of a name. In fact his name literally came to mean “nonsense”. And he’s pretty pissed off about that. So, he’s got to make a name, he’s got to get a following, he’s got to get famous or else he’s going to disappear. So, he reasons that the best way for people to know that he’s real, the best way to get them to really know is to make them afraid.
So, he kills mortals and lets the mainstream media do the rest. (Gosh, Schwarz, the media wouldn’t do that!) Just take a look.
Poppycock has a brother too. But I won’t get into that.
I’ve written 6 chapters so far. It’s been a bit rough though because I’ve actually cut out 15 or so pages. I hate that, but if they gotta go, then they gotta go. Sometimes you hate to see them go and sometimes it’s a relief. In this case it was a bit of both. But I think the story is paced much better now. Starting is the hardest part mainly because the characters are not really set yet and they do things that they probably wouldn’t. So, I find myself floating around until about the half way point when the characters personalities have come into their own and then they know what they want, they know who they are and they start telling me what its all about. You see, I believe in invisible people too. At about that point they become really real. Its fun. I’ve never gotten spooked by a character, probably because I made him, or her and not the other way around, but that actually gives me a great idea for a short story.
I hope that if anyone read this thing they got something out of it. If only to say something like ”that Schwarz, he’s a real head case.”
But the next time you see a black honda, just think of me.